People envision spiritual awakening as some profound experience afforded to only very unique individuals after much work or divine providence. We largely miss the incredible opportunity our intimate relationship provides to awaken within this lifetime, not for the sake of self but because of our profound love for others.
If you’re feeling stifled and stuck in your relationship, that cramp might be an invitation to look deeper. Treat it like a mirror reflecting back your unconsciousness.
There are limits we place on love, and we don’t really own or investigate those. Relationships, particularly when they are edgy and volatile, can be a portal to your awakening.
All relationships hold within them the potential to become a tool or a vehicle for accelerated spiritual awakening.
You eventually get to a place in life where your partner pretty well knows you, and you believe you know them, too. We realize that we can anticipate and predict behaviors and responses from our partner. These are actually patterns, not the actual person you are in a relationship with, and almost all patterns are ways to avoid interacting with reality on a moment-to-moment basis.
This is really the essence of meditation and the heart of spirituality – rather than succumbing to these patterns and behaviors that guide us on autopilot, we can learn to become fully open, present, and awake to what’s happening inside and around us at all times. But in intimate relationships, you can also choose to take a courageous act of love, which is really an embodied way of living in congruence with the love that you are. How you treat each other in a relationship can be a test of the practical applications and concepts that we would otherwise think of as only spiritual ideals.
The patterns we’ve seen from past generations do not reflect the realities of what we know and understand now and what happens in modern life.
The most common causes of divorce are conflict, arguing, lack of commitment, infidelity, and lack of physical intimacy. The least common reasons are a lack of shared interest and incompatibility between patterns. This is because differences are actually a good thing in relationships that work. Too many similarities can bring you into the friend-zone, which can be nice, but doesn’t generate the spark which makes you glad to be alive.
We often encounter in relationships a sense of suffering that stems from feelings of blame. There’s an intensification of positions and beliefs for both partners as time progresses, and if those are happening at the expense of love, connection, and meaning, then people begin to retreat back into themselves, disengaging from that intimate relationship.
We become our views, and we become disconnected from our vitality and our reason for living. If you’re not accessing your peripheral vision to witness the larger picture, then the disconnection and suffering can become even more intense.
We’re playing it safe and dying a slow death
Pain in any form can push us off-center, and we may not feel connected with what’s going on around us, because the pain inside is so distracting. And we might choose safety over the work of healing, learning, and deepening.
We often think we know what our partner wants for themselves and for us, but we don’t.
Our feelings of being misunderstood, not being seen or appreciated, can become toxic as we project our fears and bitterness onto situations and people, completely missing the opportunity and freedom inherent in every moment.
We can become numb and disconnected from our vitality and joy.
Trying to escape into some kind of spiritual practice doesn’t address what’s actually happening in our lives. So how can we move forward?
Establish within your relationship the most profound trust possible in this lifetime.
Trust seems to get damaged and hurt as we go through relationships. When trust isn’t there, that’s when relationships end. It’s a fragile thing, trust, but it can also be reestablished, deepened, and learned about. It’s not just a set of rules or code of conduct; trust comes from actions and how we are living, particularly how we speak and communicate through our body, words, and actions — this is how we communicate what we’re truly about.
I invite you to explore how your body, mind, and speech are always naked expressions of your consciousness.
If you feel love, fullness, and purpose, that will always show through your body, your breath, and your voice.
I teach people how they can discover for themselves ways to invigorate and awaken, how to be free in any moment, how to express the love that you are. First they have to learn this themselves, and then they can assist their intimate partner.
How many people actually work on developing their intimacy skills beyond engaging in therapy?
You have to get to some level of inherent safety and functionality so that you and your partner can talk to each other, and show each other what is most important. And all of this is contained within a sacred partnership that explores the deep, profound life-questions and aligns your time and your values with the things that matter most; those things that will possibly outlive you and your children.
All it takes is one person
The important thing to realize is that it only takes one person to shift things into depth instead of mediocrity. All it takes is one partner to start embodying these values and truths from their own connection to divine source.
Think about it: what do people actually value at the end of their life? It’s almost always their connections with loved ones; deeds and words which left an indelible mark on the hearts and lives of someone else.
To avoid regret, we must learn to get over ourselves and not become the limit to love in our relationships.
Don’t let your fears and unconscious habits hold you back from what you know you were born for.
If any of this sounds intriguing to you, my wife Karlene and I teach how to create a tantric relationship, one in which you can establish the most profound trust possible. Discover how your intimacy can liberate both of you, sexually, spiritually, and emotionally. Contact us to set up a free initial coaching session: https://sunyata.info/contact